Families & Cultural Colonization

So I really didn't know what else to title this blog, but I'm sure the title will make sense to everyone by the time they've read this post. I know "colonize" is a strong word, but I just don't have a better word to use.

Since we are on the topic of families and how the concepts of culture and nationality come together through marriage (which is another 'mixing' mechanism I guess) and family, it seems to be a pretty common trend that we find ourselves, as mixed kiddies, navigating between both sides of the family, which is all the more complex because of cultural or racial or national issues and issues concerning stereotypes and identity.

Basically, I increasingly get the impression that my dad's side of the family("white", American) is trying to colonize my mom's side of the family (Rwandese), and that my own immediate family, because it's essentially in between the two sides, is becoming alienated by certain parts of my Dad's family. Granted, I don't want to give off the impression that they are bad people. They are good and nice people, and I love my cousins, and all of my family, regardless of what cultural "side" they are on.

So this all began when my mom started agitating for my cousin, Muhoza, to come live with us in Nairobi to learn english and go to USIU (a California university with several overseas branches) so that he could eventually move to the US and continue education there. Because my dad had US government hook-ups, he made it happen, and my cousin moved over to the US. Because my family was still in Kenya though, it was necessary to find a "sponsor" family for him, who wound up being my American aunt's best friend, and my aunt was the sponsoring relative.

Now, there has always been tension between my Dad's side and my mom, leading to tension on my mom's side. This is essentially due to stereotypes : "an African woman would only marry a white American for money". This tension was exacerbated when it became clear that my cousin, upon moving to the US, drifted farther and farther away from my mom (and thus the Rwandese side of the family) and closer and closer to my Dad's side of the family, resulting in the general feeling on my mom's side that he (my cousin) was not maintaining family obligations, which is an essentially Rwandan concept.

So in a way my Dad's side has somehow discouraged my cousin from coming to visit us, and has discouraged him form maintaining close contact with my mom, which is an issue. So in a way, it seems like that side of the family that claimed cultural ownership over my cousin.

Now the colonizing thing comes in. First, my Dad's side kind of took advantage of the Rwandan side of the family in order to better my cousin's chances of getting into college by sending her to Rwanda to work in an orphanage. They paid for me to go as well, for which I am grateful. However, it seems like this trip was offered to me out of necessity, because I was the only one in the family who was able to navigate both sides of the family (my cousin was working full-time and unable to go). So in a way, I felt like this was part of the process of the American side claiming ownership over, or "colonizing" the Rwandan side, by using and exploiting that side of the family for personal purposes.

And NOW is a more alarming trend. They (my Dad's side) have now decided that they will begin some sort of charity project at my cousin's (very rich, very "white") private school which would entail TAKING ANOTHER ONE OF MY COUSINS from Kenya, where he is living with my Rwandese uncle and going to school there. They are planning to bring him to the US and give him an American education, ostensibly as a charity project for the private school (which definitely costs like $20+k/yr), as well as being part of a plan of having him eventually emigrate officially to the US. Because no one consulted my family or the Rwandan side about it (my Dad just heard about it), my guess is they plan to have him live with them in Connecticut and Americanize him as well. And eventually alienate him from my part and the Rwandese part of the family as well.

Do you see why the word colonization came to mind? I feel like somehow there is an underlying (probably unconscious) assumption on their part that the African side of the family needs to be civilized somehow, and that it's impossible to build a life for oneself and get an education in Africa or Europe (which is where my cousin will go, thanks to my Rwandese uncle, if he doesn't go to the US). And it's not like he has a bad life either. My uncle is rich and has a huge, gorgeous house on the Kenya coast as well as being the president of a thriving business that transports goods across east Africa.

So what the hell is happening here? Maybe I'm freaking out, but I definitely think that there is something bizarre and dysfunctional going on, and I use the word "colonize" because of the historical assumptions it entails regarding Africa, and "whats best" for Africans.....

Lemme hear your thoughts on this, it's an interesting multicultural family conflict, in which it appears as though the only really multicultural side of the family is being marginalized because we (my dad, mom, me , my bro) are unable to take sides.